Aaron and I had another meeting with Paul where he offered us more feedback on the latest draft of the screenplay. We already knew that we wanted to further address the purgatory side of things. We considered cutting the opening in the city and I want to get Juliet along to the next writing meeting to see how she can further contribute to the film and develop the film as both a visual and an auditory experience.
Aaron and I are very slow writers, but Paul offered us some interesting feedback.
Paul said he liked the way the film now opens with the blood gushing in Ellis' ears. He said he liked how vague it was and that it can be interpreted in multiple different ways. One interpretation he offered which I had never even considered was that Ellis is sick. This reminded me of a graphic novel I read called 'Tumor'. It's about a private detective trying to solve a case, but he has a brain tumor that's affecting the way he perceives reality. It might be worth checking out in relation to both the character of Ellis and the more experimental side to this film as well.
An issue which Paul highlighted is that the character of Ellis isn't yet fully realised on the page. As a writing exercise, he suggested that it might be a good idea to write a version of the script where Ellis is much more rambly, even going so far as to suggest we include a monologue for Ellis to deliver to himself while he's searching for Sonny. I don't know how much of this would make it into the film, but it's an interesting idea that's certainly worth considering. I can picture something similar to Humphrey Bogart's monologue in The Treasure of the Sierra Madre. He's going slightly mad as he just rambles on in heightened, flowery language, like something out of a Shakespeare play.
Other suggestions that Paul made which we still need to consider are that perhaps Kane's story about his first hit could also act as a threat to Ellis. He noted that Ellis and Sonny sound a little too similar at times and that a difference between them could be that he imagines Ellis is much more sure of his words. When he speaks, he knows what he's saying.
For the taster film, Paul suggested that we replace the guns with baseball bats for ease of shooting, however this entirely changed the dynamic of the scene, so will require careful consideration.
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