Feedback from the ladddssss
Arthur Johnson and Harris Palmer very kindly read the script and give some interesting feedback.
Arthur:
Sonny wouldn’t leave a knife in camp scene
Sonny monologue - rewrite monologue - lines contradict each other
“You have no right to judge me” (cut it)
Kanes monologue:
Unisex bathroom (doesn’t work)
Weird about comment about the mothers plastic surgery and daughter who is a plastic surgeon
Could be too much that they are related
Rule of three - comedy works best with 3
Harris:
Develop the themes more (purgatory)
Sonny and Ellis relationship felt force
Sonny opens up too quickly
Sonny's murder doesn’t fit his innocent personality
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